Of Deadlines And Article-Writing

This morning, my friends and I were chatting when one of us asked something about our university newspaper.

(Nonverbatim)
Friend 1: Why is there a lot of empty spaces in here?
Me: Maybe you should write for them so that those spaces are filled?
Friend 2 (looks at me): Why don’t YOU write for them? You’re the one who writes stories!
M: No, I don’t think my works aren’t good enough.
F1: You’re belittling yourself too much. Look at your blog!
F2: Yeah, those stories you wrote. Or you could write about love (I shook my head). That’s something they’ll wait every issue.

No, I don’t want to write for the university paper.

Well, back in high school, I enrolled in a journalism class (aka the school paper). At that I did it because I loved to write (and partly because it exempted me from taking the TLE class).

It was fun, meeting students from different sections (some were already my friends). We had our break time while majority of my batchmates were having classes. We spent them playing, chatting or just doing nothing.

The hardest part, I found out, is writing under pressure. You had deadlines to meet (and failure to meet them delays, if not derails, the publication of the newspaper).

And I’m the sort of person who writes when I feel like to do so.

So there’s a battle of wills: on one side, there is the will to write articles in time while on the other side is the will to delay writing, so as not to end up with a piece of junk.

In the end, I managed to publish one article (a news feature about a scientific exploration). I could’ve published another (a short story) if I wasn’t lazy enough to revise it in time.

I’m not dissing anyone here. I’m just saying that I’m not the type of writer that couldn’t be bound by deadlines that newspapers require. That’s the other reason why.

Oh, and that short story. I think I should post it here sometime.

FD

It’s Father’s Day again. Let me tell you some things about my father.

My father is very thrifty. Or cheapskate, depending on how you view it. He tries to minimize spending on everything (except food, which is okay, but he’ll cut back on it if money’s real tight) to the point that he’s in the edge of being unreasonable. It takes courage to ask money from him and justify why should he give you some. It’s like defending a thesis proposal.

But it’s understandable since we don’t have much money.

Second, he’s strict to the point of being scary. At least back in my childhood. He’s a disciplinarian and gives out corporal punishment. I’m not saying he abused me, no. I’m just saying that as long as punishments were concerned, he’s more ready to give out one than my mother.

Now he’s mellowed a bit. He’s less strict than he used to and it’s probably due to my sister and I being adults now. He still guides us, and as long as we do the right things or he thinks that what we’re doing is okay, he lets us do pretty much what we want.

And lastly, he’s both my mom and dad. Since my mother passed away almost 7 years ago, he took on the role of being our mom. So he has to worry where we get the money to spend as well as budget it so that it would last until we receive the pension next month.

You see, money management was my mother’s role (though my father helped a bit then). She had a job and handled budgets while my father managed the house. Quite like that guy in House Husband.

Back then he didn’t think that not having a job made him less of a man. Now that he’s both Mom and Dad, it makes me proud that he could handle those roles pretty well despite the problems we faced and facing as a family.

I don’t know if he’ll ever read this, but let me tell the world that I love and I’m proud of my father. I may be annoyed or angry with him sometimes, but in the end, he’s just doing what’s best for our family.

Happy Father’s Day!

Of Letting Go and Moving On

I’m already used to the facts: it’s gone and I’ll have to move on.

I’m doing everything to do just that: I became an officer for a student organization, a volunteer curator for an art exhibit, busying myself with school, drowning myself with good music, getting hooked to an online game and other things I can’t remember.

But still, there are times that self-pity and negative self talk kick in, undoing every forward step that I’ve taken.

It seems those memories are deeply etched in my mind.

Fuck.

---

Recently some people have directly (and indirectly) told me to just let them go and move on.

Let’s see.

---

The first friend told me (via Facebook) to really let it go and move on. The conversation went like this (non-verbatim):

Friend: It’s time to look for people who’ll come with you.

Me: Yes, people who wouldn’t put me out of place.

Friend: You’re the only one who can determine whether you’ll be out of place or not.

Me: I don’t know, but maybe I’m scared because of what happened in the past.

Friend: (after a few minutes) Two words: MOVE ON. Sounds harsh, but it’s been long overdue. It’s hard, I know. Let it go. Move on.

Didn’t know what to say after that. I wanted to tell my friend that I’ve been trying, but to no avail. I realized though, that it’s a lame excuse. She said that she’ll just keep on insisting for me to move on.

Luckily, that friend will help me. Hopefully.

---

The second one had a slightly different take on the issue. He said:

It happens. Painful as it is, we can never really let it be. So just bring it with you then as a reminder.

Letting go and moving on doesn’t mean you have to literally do it. It’s a mindset that keeps you from going crazy just thinking about it.

It made sense. However, when I told my other friend (the first one) about it, she said (in a way) that I shouldn’t take him seriously.

I don’t know, but his statement really does make sense.

---

This last statement made by another friend isn’t really meant for me. But somehow it captures the essence of the issue at hand.

To paraphrase what she said,

As long as you’re alive, there will always be a lot of opportunities to be happy.

Well, I’m trying.

Colder Still

As expected, nothing happened. You are a stone, hard to crack and cold.

It could be that you haven’t read it. Or you just don’t give a damn about it. I don’t know, I’m too tired of thinking about it.

I thought you’ve missed me after not showing up last year. Perhaps a year can do so much to us, separated physically, mentally and worse, even emotionally.

I thought this December would turn out to be a good one. I was wrong to assume that. Yeah sure, I was there and we talked a bit but somehow, you made me feel that I’m truly an outsider to your life. Again, the work of a year (if not years) of separation. I don’t know what are you playing at, but again, I’m too tired to think about it.

Call me a masochist, but I’m not leaving unless you explicitly said so, even with all the pain that comes with it.

I’ll say it again: I never liked anyone this much before that November moment came a few years ago. I’ve been praying since that you’ll be the one for me.

---

Oh, by the way, Merry Christmas folks!

Looking Back

Another year has passed and in a few days we’ll be welcoming another one. Everyone (I think) is preparing. In our house, our family decided to clean, especially the storeroom which hasn’t been cleaned for years.

We found a huge pile of old papers, newspapers, magazines, notebooks, etc. and I dug up this:

Yeah, that's Mike Enriquez right there

That’s an issue of The Nucleus, my high school’s English student publication. I found another one, with Ang Ubod (the Filipino publication) both published in 2008 (and glossy!), I’m not sure.

I almost forgot that I received those things – after being dumped somewhere after serving its purpose. Right after digging up this, I felt as if I discovered an ancient treasure.

In the end, I threw this away. I got to let go of these kinds of things, things that would only bring nostalgia.

—ooOoo—

In speaking of nostalgia, I heard on a TV show (Mel and Joey to be specific), that a Feng Shui expert predicted that those who can’t keep up will suffer depression or worse, go insane.

Looking back, 2010 was not one of the nice years. Kicked out of college (but not out of university!), needed commuting to and from school everyday, worried about our family’s financial problems, and more.

But it doesn’t mean nothing good happened.

I may be not a computer science student anymore, but I gained a load of new friends (and more acquaintances!) in the new college I’m setting my sights on.

 

Me ,a couple of friends and some of my professors this year. Taken by Mr. Jor-el Paragua.

I think it really depends on your outlook how good or bad the past year was. I still think I was a bit unfortunate this 2010.

—ooOoo—

But I can’t help the feeling

I could blow through the ceiling

If I just turn and run.

– Radiohead, “Fake Plastic Trees”

Unfortunately, nothing’s changed since last year. She’s still out there. I don’t know if she’s still waiting for me or not. I don’t know until when I can let this thing go on like this.

Maybe I’m to blame for what I’m suffering. Or perhaps feeling. Whatever the word is, it’s hard for me. For one: I can’t talk to her about this, second: I’m scared of saying the wrong things and third: I’m afraid of making things awkward between us.

But whether I like it or not, I must prepare myself if the time for clarification comes.

Different Planes

October na! More than 80 days to go until Christmas and there still a lot to do.

And yet, outside the academic world, there is even a lot more interesting happening.

And yet, it seems nothing to most of us.

–oo0oo–

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero kung may dapat aksyunan ang Women and Children’s Division ng PNP, ito ay ang child abuse sa mga Pinoy teledrama.

Tingnan: Sa Trudis Liit, aping-api (at muntikan nang mamatay) si Trudis sa kamay ng kanyang madrasta (at nanay nito); matitinding hirap ang dinanas ng mga Panday Kids; ang mga batang Aeta na ‘kapatid’ ni Orang sa Basahang Ginto ay inaalipusta ng mga taga-lungsod.

At ngayon, ang mga anak ni Bantatay ay nagtitiis sa pang-aabuso ng lola(?) at tita nila (Camille Pratts). Kinulong sa kuwarto, pinagtatrabaho ng labag sa kanilang kalooban, pinatigil sa pag-aaral at iba pang kakaharapin ng mga bata ang ilan sa mga pang-aabusong ginagawa.

Ang malala pa, karaniwang pinapabayaan na lamang nung bata ang ginagawa ng mga nang-aabuso. I mean, WALANG NAGREREKLAMO.

Much like real life isn’t it?

–oo0oo–

Usap-usapan ngayon ang ginawang protesta ni Carlos Celdran sa loob ng Manila Cathedral.

Dala-dala ang placard na may nakasulat na “DAMASO”, inirereklamo niya ang pakikialam ng simbahang Katoliko sa pamahalaan ukol sa Reproductive Health Bill.

Kontrobersyal ang panukalang batas na ito dahil sa matinding pagtutol ng simbahan sa pagpapasa nito. Tingin ng simbahan dito, male-legalize ang aborsyon.

Ang tingin ko, maganda naman ang nais ng simbahan, pero hindi nila masyadong naiintindihan ang ilang aspeto ukol sa artificial family planning.

Ayon sa simbahan, maituturing na aborsyon ang pag-expel o pagpatay sa fertilized na ovum (egg cell).

Pero kung ganun, bakit ayaw nila sa condom? Ayaw nila ang pamimigay ng mga pills, atbp.? Hindi pa naman nafe-fertilize ang egg cell di ba? Conception haven’t even taken place yet.

Sabi ng simbahan, mauuso ang ‘culture of promiscuity’ kapag naging easy-to-reach ang mga contraceptives.

Sa lipunang napapaligiran ng mga billboard ng mga seksing model, palabas sa TV, na nagsasuggest ng sex, kantang double-meaning, at iba pa, hindi naman siguro masama na maging madali ang paggamit ng family planning methods.

Hindi naman magiging mahilig ang tao sa pagtatalik dahil naging mas madaling makakuha ng condom o pills. Marunong pa rin naman maging disente ang mga tao.

Pero hindi naman maikakaila na parehas na nagtatrabaho ang pamahalaan at simbahan para makontrol ang populasyon. Magkaiba lang ang kaisipang ginagamit. Ayon sa dating kalihim ng DOH na si Juan Flavier:

Moralidad ang gamit ng simbahan.

Siyensya naman ang gamit ng pamahalaan (DOH).

Hindi kailanman magtutugma ang dalawang ito. Ika nga, nasa magkaibang plane sila.

Siguro, hangga’t hindi ito nakikita ng dalawang kampo, hindi matatapos ang usapin ukol sa RH Bill.

–oo0oo–

October na! Ibig sabihin, kailangang maghanda para sa tatlong araw na dadaan ngayong buwan.

Una, para sa nakaraan.

Pangalawa, para sa transisyon.

Pangatlo, para sa kasalukuyan.

Cheers!

Naisip Ko Lang…

Kay tagal ko na itong hindi ina-update sapagkat masyado naging mabigat (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.) ang mga nakalipas na araw. In short, wala ako sa mood.

Pero, sa ngayon, may naipon na akong lakas para sumulat muli.

Magiging regular ito (para bang kolum sa diyaryo, pero hindi kasing regular ang pag-aupdate.).

Okay, tama na ang drama…

–oo0oo–

Kakatapos ko lang manood ng Ilumina sa GMA.

Or should I say, kakatapos ko lang patayin ang TV dahil hindi ko ma-take ang Ilumina.

Maganda sana ang konsepto ng palabas, ngunit nang pinanood ko ang episode ngayong gabi, naisip ko: mababaw.

Bakit? Ganito.

Sa pinalabas ngayong gabi, ‘gumanti’ (dahil alam naman nating hindi tuluyang magtatagumpay siya sa binabalak niya) ang itim na sorsera na si Elvira [o sinumang katunog] (Jean Garcia) sa pamamagitan ng pagsunog sa anak ni Romano (Cesar Montano) na si Romana (Rhian Ramos) at ang kanyang asawa na si Elsa (Ara Mina).

Ginawa ni Elvira yun bilang ganti sa pagkakapatay sa kanyang kapatid na si Melina (Jean Garcia din) na sa kalauna’y sumapi ang kanyang kaluluwa sa kakambal ni Romana na si Crisanta (Jackie Rice).

Eye for an eye, life for a life. Ano naman mababaw dun?

Si Melina ay nahulog sa isang patibong na ginawa ni Romano. Niligtas siya ni Romano at inalagaan. Sa kasamaang palad, nahulog ang loob ni Melina kay Romano (na noo’y nakatakda nang ikasal kay Elsa), na walang kamalay-malay sa nararamdaman ni Melina. Sa araw ng kasal ni Romano ay sumipot si Melina, sa pag-aakalang pinaglaruan siya, nangakong susumpain niya sina Romano’t Elsa. Siya rin ang dahilan kung bakit kambal ang anak nila.

Nang nalaman ito ni Romano, pinarusahan niya (at ng taong-bayan) si Melina sa pamamagitan ng pagsunog sa kanya. Habang tinutusta (o bago matusta), nangako siyang babalik at gaganti.

Ano nga ba ang mababaw dun?

Moral lesson: Huwag kaagad tingnan ang kabaitan ng ibang tao sa iyo bilang tanda ng “pag-ibig”. Mahirap kapag masyado kang assuming.

–oo0oo–

Lagi na lang akong nakakahanap ng kagaya niya — sa boses, hitsura.

Lalong tumataas ang pag-aasam kong makita siyang muli.

Lalo rin tumataas ang tsansang HINDI ko na siya makikita kahit kailan (habang tumatagal).

–oo0oo–

Kumakalat sa Diliman (at marahil sa iba pang UP units) ang tsismis na maaaring umabot ng…(wait for it)…100K ang tuition kada sem.

Ito ay sinasabing magiging resulta ng pagbaba ng inilaang badyet para sa edukasyon. Samantalang tumaas ang badyet para sa militar. Para sa mas detalyadong impormasyon ukol rito, pumunta na lang dito (halata kung gaano ako ka-underinformed).

Kung mangyayari man iyon, magiging mas mahal pa ito sa tuition ng La Salle at Ateneo. Baka tumigil ang maraming estudyante sa pag-aaral.

Hindi lang sa UP mangyayari ito, kundi maging sa mga state universities and colleges sa Pilipinas.

Hindi ako madalas sumasang-ayon sa mga aktibista, pero sa isyung ito, tama sila. Tama silang ipaglaban nating mga estudyante ang karapatan sa edukasyon. Marahil ngang walang absolute equality, pero maisip sana ng pamahalaan na bigyan ng pantay-pantay na pagkakataon na mag-aral ang mga gustong mag-aral.