Category: 13th of March

Tributes to that fateful day.

Slow Death, or How Ghosts of the Past Manifest Themselves

~ The Isolationist ~ Leave a comment

I’ve never thought this would happen again.

Imagine Person X. That person makes you happy and you develop feelings for that person. You and X get along pretty well and things look bright for the two of you. However, things go downhill simply because you can’t express your feelings for X, suppressed like soldiers pinned down by enemy gunfire.

And you have a decent reason why they’re suppressed. Either it’s just not the right time or there are complications to be considered, or both.

Does it sound familiar? It sure is to me.

However things get nasty or complex. Another person, Z, somehow manages to fence in X. Z has greater leverage than you and X enjoys Z’s company.

Bad news: Z is a good friend of yours.

Let’s check things first. It is possible, that Z is only acting as X’s friend. If it’s true, then you’re okay. However it gets deeper.

You’re with X somewhere, chatting along. Then Z arrives. X and Z start talking and within 2 minutes, you’re already left out in the conversation. No matter how hard you try, you can’t join them. It’s also happening online or even at work. Ignored, powerless to do anything, you can only watch in pain as they enjoy each other’s presence.

Then at one point, you see them close together, holding hands. BOOM! Still powerless, the only refuge is either anger or isolation. Whichever you choose, you’ll end up stressed, weak and bitter. Add to that the pressure of those suppressed feelings mentioned earlier. A slow death ensues.

See, it could be possible that Z is a touchy person. Or even if they indeed end up with each other, there’s the option of getting out. Let go of X, one would say.

Letting go of someone isn’t easy if you really love her/him. It’s achievable, but with the current state of my mind, it’s hopeless.

There’s another option: ask Z whether s/he likes X. In our case, Z says no, s/he doesn’t like X (if yes, one has the choice to stay or to move on). So you trust Z, thinking that s/he only is X’s friend.

But the sequence of apathy and being left out continues every time X and Z get together. It seems Z never lets you near X. You can’t make any moves to X, since Z is always there, watching.

And you can’t really hate them since in one way or another, X and Z did good things to you anyway.

Man, I hate this thing.